Install or die...

What do people and books have in common?
When they are opened they are red (read)……
(Clive Barker)

I am sitting here watching Repo the Genetic Opera, feeling like crap, suffering from the lingering effects of a devastating migraine headache;as well as being victimized and classified as collateral damage, by whatever gastronomic apocalypse is taking place deep in the bowels of my dog Bodhi. I don’t call him stinky dog for his attitude. Migraines and dog farts don’t mix, so to distract myself, I felt I just had to share my latest computer induced aneurysm with you.

I have spent the last few days working on my Eeepc 1000H. It’s been a saga of great annoyance and perdition that could have been avoided if I had just been smart enough to follow the advice Vizzini gave the Spaniard and started at the beginning. All good techs know that it’s generally a user error that causes problems. Rarely is the problem ever the hardware, except of course when it’s a hardware issue or the tech just has his head in an awkward and painful place.

Our saga begins with a BSoD crash after I had set the tiny infernal machine to dual boot Ubuntu and XP. The little silicon sybarite started to crash on a semi regular basis. My assumption was that something had glitched during the partitioning process as I had not wiped the machine and started fresh. I let the auto installer for Ubuntu do the work . I said to myself “Self, this is an easy fix” (I know it’s trite but I was entertaining myself and I derive no small pleasure from that chestnut). I got out the recovery disk that ships with the wee beastie, hooked up the external DVD drive, rebooted to the disk, started the recovery, and was on my way to functionality when the powers of evil that inhabit all motherboards and occasionally summer in the configuration gui’s of Symantec products, stretched out their hoary tentacles and carved out their flaming message in eleven point high times new roman on to my LCD . “Recovery Image Corrupt press F1 to restart”. I was perturbed to say the least.

After a bit of theorization and postulation as to the state of the quality control officers parents at the time of the QCO’s conception, I decided to implement the three R’s of computer repair: Re-format, Re-install, and Re-joice. I dug up a copy of XP and got as far as Re-inst…… It kept crashing during the reinstall. After several attempts with multiple copies of XP from various and suspect sources I decided I must be unaware of some strange bit of arcana regarding Asus products, maybe a Bios conflict of some sort or perhaps I needed to sacrifice a chicken or three or at least eat a chicken sandwich and drink a cold beer.

So I did what all good digital denizens do and turned to the modern high priest and oracle at Delphi, repository of all human knowledge, the great and mighty dread Google. After several hours of pouring over various and sundry boards, blogs, and online magazines, as well as many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, I came to the erroneous conclusion that it was a driver issue. Apparently Windows XP service Pack 2 has no SATA drivers. The EeePC 1000H uses a SATA drive not the older IDE type. So I downloaded a copy of N-lite, compiled an ISO with the appropriate drivers, burned a disk and being rather proud of myself at that moment, started the process of installation all over again.

I watched in horror as once more the Blue Screen of Death yet again reared its ugly lo-res face. At this point I said to hell with it and went to bed. As I lay in the dark ,simultaneously trying to shut down my brain and seriously considering changing my profession of choice to either that of an interstellar fry cook or French Foreign Legionnaire (I hear the hats are really cool but my French is limited to a bad Maurice Chevalier impression) the voice in the back of my head that often sounds suspiciously like Red Foreman from that 70s show, whispered “HEY DUMBASS!!! Did you check the RAM?”. I sat bolt upright and thought that it couldn’t be that easy could it? I grabbed a screwdriver and a pair of pants in that order, performed the surgery and swapped out the memory for some I knew was good and low and behold, It worked like a charm. I loaded it with Windows 7 Beta and I couldn’t be happier.

I Know I should have checked the RAM after the first couple of failed install attempts. I felt like an idiot for getting stuck on what I thought was the issue instead of what was the issue but now at least, I don’t have to march across the Algerian desert to make a living. I am just too old for all that marching about . Besides I am genetically predisposed to living in a peat bog. A red head and the desert just don’t mix. Why do you think I work with computers? Ever see an I.T. guy with a tan? Sunburn yes. Tan, no.